Slogans can be written in the following colours:

Please contact us for any other shade or colour

SIMPLE

• 4 Real

• Angry

• Animal

• Arsonist

• Astronaut

• Cheeky

• Chilled

• Criminal

• Daydreamer

• Depraved

• Desperate

• Deviant

• Doomed

• Evil

• Fragile

• Freak

• Geek

• Genuine

• Guilty

• Happy

• Heartbroken

• Hostile

• Hustler

• Icon

• Innocent

• Insane

• Insignificant

• Insomniac

• Joyrider

• Lazy

• Legend

• Lonerv

• Loser

• Lunatic

• Maniac

• MUTT

• Nasty

• Nutter

• Ordinary

• Outlaw

• Outsider

• Player

• Psycho

• Rebel

• Reckless

• Reject

• Rejected

• Respected

• Slacker

• Trash

• T-shirt

• Underrated

• Unwanted

• Victim

• Wannabe

• Wasted

• Waster

• Weird

• Wise

Top

FOR THE GIRLS

• 2good4u

• A little bit of powder, a little bit of paint makes a girl’s complexion seem what it ain’t

• All men are idiots. I married their king

• Angel

• Angel by day…Devil by night

• Be reasonable. Do it my way

• Beware of my inner blonde

• Blonde – Please Speak Slowly

• Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever

• Don’t get mad. Get everything!

• Don’t try me. I’m pre-menstrual

• Drink makes guys see double and feel single

• Emotionally Fragile

• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed

• Girl Racer

• Good Girl

• Heartbreaker

• High Maintenance

• I came I saw I did a little shopping

• I can be bought

• I Live on Wisteria Lane

• I love Mr Spoon

• I love Shoes, Bags and Boys

• I Would Look Gorgeous in a Bin Bag

• I’m blonde - what’s your excuse?

• I’m easy to get along with once you learn to worship me

• I’m not judgemental but I’m never wrong

• I’m not moody, just complicated

• I’m The Girl Your Mother Warned You About

• If I look confused it’s because I’m thinking

• If I was a boy I’d fancy me

• If you tell me I’m beautiful I’ll overlook most of your other lies

• If you want a committed man look in a mental hospital

• If you’re loaded I’m single

• Irresistible

• It’s not easy being a princess

• Men have feelings too. But hey, who cares?

• Munchkin

• My rules apply to others. Not me

• Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat

• Next mood swing: 6 minutes

• No Angel

• Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

• P.M.S. Pass My Shotgun

• P.M.S. Perpetual Munching Spree

• P.M.S. Plainly: Men Suck

• P.M.S. Potential Murder Suspect

• P.M.S. Provide Me with Sweets

• P.M.S. Psychotic Mood Shift

• See no evil, Hear no evil, Date no evil

• Stunning

• When blondes have more fun do they know it?

• When God made man she was joking

• Will Sell Boyfriend for Chocolate

• Will Sell Husband for Chocolate

• Will Work For Chocolate

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FOR THE GUYS

• 24 hours a day. 24 beers in a pack. Coincidence?

• A bachelor’s life is no life for a single man

• A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts

• A little less conversation…A little more action

• A man speaks in a forest. There is no woman to hear. Is he still wrong?

• A pint, A fight, A great British night!

• Also available in sober (for a limited time only)

• Armed for battle

• Beer Disposing Facility

• Boy Racer

• Chick Magnet

• Cut my veins and I bleed rock n roll!

• Del Boy

• Drink till you want me

• Early to rise and early to bed make a man healthy but socially dead

• Every man has his price. Mine is £3.95

• Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two days it’s an amusement park

• Float like a butterfly, Sting like a bee

• For every action my wife has an equal & opposite criticism

• Funk Soul Brother

• Getting married was her idea

• Here I am. What are your other 2 wishes?

• How can I be thirsty when I drunk so much last night?

• I AM SPARTACUS

• I ate all the pies

• I Beat Anorexia

• I don’t like me

• I don’t mind hard work as long as someone else is doing it

• I drink to make people interesting

• I feel sorry for those who don’t drink. When they wake up that’s as good as they’ll feel all day

• I only drink on 2 occasions – when I’m thirsty and when I’m not

• I overtook the Stig

• I set low personal standards for myself and consistently fail to achieve them

• I was an accident

• I will not incite Revolution

• I’m not drinking anymore. Then again I’m not drinking any less

• I’ve got a 6 pack…I’m just lacking the plastic thing that holds it together

• I’ve got a 6 pack…in the fridge at home

• If you drink don’t drive. Don’t even putt

• Just a Nice Guy

• King of Wishful Thinking

• Lager – fuelling football hooliganism since the 70’s

• Macho Law forbids me from admitting I’m wrong

• Menace to Society

• My idea of a balanced diet is a beer in each hand

• My liver is evil. I must punish it

• My Old Man’s a dustman

• NEED BEER

• Nice GuyTM

• Out of shape? Keen on beer? Fair play

• Rebel no matter the cause

• Rocket Scientist

• Sober: distressing time between drinking sessions

• Space Cadet

• The Lie-in King

• Trouble Maker

• Trust me I’m a Scientist

• When I read about the evils of drinking I gave up reading

• You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four year old

• You’re 2 beers away from perfect

• Your lips are moving but all I hear is “blah blah blah”

Top

UNISEX

• 2 fast 2 live 2 young 2 die

• A day for firm decisions. Or is it?

• A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular

• A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation

• A weekend spent wasted is never a wasted weekend

• Admit nothing. Deny everything

• Aged to perfection

• Alcohol Storage Unit

• Any offers will be seriously considered

• Any time things seem to be getting better you have overlooked something

• Anyone can have the fact but having an opinion is an art

• Artificial intelligence is no match for my natural stupidity

• Asylum Seeker

• Avoid reality at all costs

• Bad Attitude

• Batteries not included

• Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents

• Been there done that this is the t-shirt

• Better 2be someone 4a day than no one for a lifetime

• Better late than really late

• Better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not

• Better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there’s no money

• Beyond Help

• Blame my parents

• Bored Beyond Belief

• Break dance, not hearts

• Can I trade this job for what’s behind door number 1?

• Careful – I’m only out for the weekend

• Chaos in the midst of order is funny

• Chilled out entertainer

• Chilled Out Hippy

• CHOOSE DEATH

• Clever is getting out alive

• Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult

• Club sandwiches, not seals

• Conscience: the little thing that tells you someone is going to find out

• Constantly striving to lower my standards

• Daydream Believer

• Dazed and Confused

• Depression is merely anger without the enthusiasm

• Do not disturb – I’m already disturbed

• Do you believe in love at first sight or shall I walk by again?

• Don’t Blame Me. Blame Society

• Don’t look at me!

• Don’t stare – it’s only genetic perfection

• Don’t take life so seriously. It isn’t permanent

• Don’t take me literally

• Don’t talk to me about life

• Easily Distracted

• Eat well, stay fit, die anyway

• Everybody is someone else’s weirdo

• Everyone is beautiful if you squint a bit

• Everyone is entitled to be stupid but I abuse the privilege

• Everyone says I’m paranoid

• Everything is unimportant in some way

• Excess Baggage

• Experience: A name we give to our mistakes

• Failure teaches success

• Fragile: Handle With Care

• Freedom – a road seldom travelled

• FREE HUGS

• Friends may come and go but enemies accumulate

• Genuine Article

• Gravity always gets me down

• Growing old disgracefully

• Have a nice day

• Hold hands, not hostages

• Honesty is the best policy but insanity is a better defence

• I’m just trying to fit in

• I am colourblind

• I am NOT in denial

• I am not single. I am romantically challenged

• I am not worthwhile

• I am somebody

• I am the party

• I am the weakest link

• I can hardly contain my indifference

• I Come I Conquer

• I don’t act stupid…I’m the real thing

• I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them

• I don’t claim to be important

• I don’t do commitment

• I don’t get even. I get odder

• I don’t like to be touched

• I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy it!

• I don’t suffer from stress. I’m a carrier

• I don’t work here. I’m a consultant. They don’t work but get paid

• I hate Moshers

• I hate t-shirt slogans

• I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits

• I have a weight problem. I can’t wait to eat

• I have enough money to last the rest of my life. Unless I buy something

• I have issues

• I have nothing to declare but my genius

• I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

• I like being single. I’m always there for me when I need me

• I live in my own little world…It’s OK, they know me here

• I love ME

• I love nature. In spite of what it did to me

• I Need Help

• I need therapy

• I prefer old age to the alternative

• I shall not fake my way through life

• I started out with nothing and still have most of it left

• I take one day at a time. But sometimes days attack me at once

• I’m confused. No wait…maybe I’m not

• I’m nobody. Nobody’s perfect. Therefore I’m perfect

• I’m not great I just think I am

• I’m not mad. I’ve just been in a bad mood for years

• I’m not overweight, I’m undertall

• I’m NOT paranoid

• I’m not stupid. I just choose not to pay attention.

• I’m one big ray of sunshine!

• I’m part of the problem

• I’m smiling because I have no idea what’s going on

• I’m sorry if I look interested…I’m not

• I’m up and dressed. What more do you want?

• I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier

• If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

• If you read this t-shirt your life will be better

• If you read this you are stupid

• If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything

• If you try and don’t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie

• Illegal Immigrant

• Imagination is more important than knowledge

• In case of doubt, make it sound convincing

• If I said anything to offend it was purely intentional

• It always feels like I’m being watched

• It matters that it doesn’t matter

• It wasn’t me

• It’s been Monday all week

• It’s better to burn out than to fade away

• It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere

• It’s lonely at the top…but you eat better

• It’s my world. You just live in it.

• It’s not my fault I’m ginger

• It’s not my time to wonder why

• It’s not reality that matters

• Joke of the Week

• Knowing is half the battle. The other is violence

• Learn from your parents mistakes: use birth control

• Let’s drink till we can’t feel feelings anymore

• Life exists for no known purpose

• Life is a waste of time

• Life is full of illusions

• Life is just one of those things

• Life’s a party. Crash it!

• Lost Property

• Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life

• Never underestimate the power of a sick mind

• Normal people worry me

• Normality isn’t always boring. It depends what your normal is

• Not Economically Viable

• Nothing is illegal until you get caught

• Ordinary Decent Criminal

• Out of Control

• Pain is weakness leaving the body

• Perfect piece of trash

• Reality is fantasy gone stale

• Respected Outsider

• Rhythm is My Life

• Sarcasm is one more service I offer

• Seeing is Believing

• Shoot hoops, not people

• Since I gave up hope I feel much better

• Sleep: a completely inadequate substitution for caffeine

• Sleep: a completely inadequate substitution for Red Bull

• Social Reject

• Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realise you haven’t fallen asleep yet

• The best things in life aren’t things

• The trouble with life is that there’s no background music

• The truth is out there

• There’s no excuse for the way I behave

• They made me do it

• This is the worst day of my life

• Throw parties, not Grenades

• Time is nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once

• Troubled Youth

• Trust no one

• Used Goods

• Waste of Space

• Wasting time is an important part of living

• We are born, naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse

• What’s wrong with a little destruction?

• When all else fails, play dead

• Who are you and why are you reading my t-shirt?

• Who said things will get better?

• Why be normal?

• Why Me?

• Witness Relocation Programme

• Work harder! Millions on welfare depend on it!

• Work is a curse of the drinking class

• Worry is a misuse of the imagination

• You can observe a lot just by watching

• You can’t be late until you arrive

• You eat to live. I live to eat

• You say psycho like it’s a bad thing

• You’re all just a figment of my twisted imagination

• Young and Hopeless

Top

CRAZY, WEIRD, STUPID

• “Waiter there’s no fly in my soup” Kermit the Frog

• 333. I’m only half evil

• 664: Neighbour of the beast

• A bad plan is better than no plan

• A day without sunshine is like, you know, night

• A hangover is the wrath of grapes

• A kibble is one thousand nibbles

• A nuclear weapon can ruin your whole day

• According to my calculations the problem doesn’t exist

• All true wisdom is found on tshirts

• Anyone who said a dog was man’s best friend never had a chimpanzee

• Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): the frantic dance performed after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider’s web

• Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form is a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3am and cannot be cast out

• Beyond redemption

• Blood is thicker than wood

• Build a man a fire he’ll be warm for a night. Set a man on fire he’ll be warm for the rest of his life

• By the time you read this you’ve already read it

• Can’t sleep…the clowns will eat me

• Cat: the other white meat

• Chaos, panic, pandemonium – my work here is done

• Chopsticks are the reason China didn’t invent custard

• Clones are people too

• Coffee (n.): the person upon whom one coughs

• Deport Pedro

• Do I look like I want a Big Issue?

• Dolphins are gay sharks

• Don’t sweat the petty things, don’t pet the sweaty things

• Drive defensively. Buy a tank

• Dyslexics have more nuf

• Eagles may soar but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines

• Earn cash in your spare time. Blackmail your friends

• Everyone thinks I’m psychotic. Except my friends who live deep underground

• Everything is ok in the end. If it’s not ok then it’s not the end

• Fight evil with evil.

• FREE TIBET (when purchased with a Tibet of equal value)

• Gargling twice a day is a good way to see if your throat leaks

• Giraffiti (n.): Vandalism spray-painted very very high

• Give peas a chance

• Ham & Eggs: A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for the pig

• Humpty Dumpty was pushed

• I accept sweeties from strangers

• I am a joke

• I am a t-shirt. Please wear me

• I can’t remember if I’m the good twin or the evil twin

• I doubt, therefore I might be

• I had a thought once but it died of loneliness

• I have delusions of adequacy

• I know Superted’s magic word

• I listen to bands that don’t even exist yet

• I love children. I don’t think I can eat a whole one

• I love Umpa Lumpas

• I may have alzheimers but at least I don’t have alzheimers

• I put ketchup on my ketchup

• I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better

• I think animal testing is a terrible idea. They get all nervous and give the wrong answers

• I tickle my llama to keep it alive

• I try not to have ideas – they only lead to complications

• I used to be a schizophrenic but we’re ok now

• I used to eat natural foods until I learned most people die of natural causes

• I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out

• I would argue with a sign post

• I would look cooler if I was riding a Unicorn

• I’m not racist. I’ve got a colour TV

• I’m so dull I could entertain a doubt

• I’ve got ham but I’m not a hamster

• If a thing was worth doing it would’ve been done already

• If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all the evidence you tried

• If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style

• If at first you don’t success, redefine success

• If everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane

• If I had to live my life over again I’d be a plumber

• If I offer you sweeties don’t eat them cos I’m dirty

• If money can’t buy happiness, you’ll just have to rent it

• If Noah had been smart he would’ve swatted the two flies

• If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three

• If we weren’t meant to eat animals why are they made out of meat?

• If you can see this, you’re not blind, which is a very good start

• If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten

• If you can’t learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly

• If you choke a smurf what colour does it turn?

• If you throw a stick I will leave

• If your feet sweat and your nose runs you are built upside down

• It is impossible to have a good day

• It is impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee

• It’s a small world so you have to use your elbows a lot

• It’s all a pigment of your hallucination

• It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day just exactly fits in the newspaper

• It’s only funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s hilarious

• Join the darkside. We have cookies

• Life made us all brothers and sisters but Prozac made us friends

• Life without bears would be unbearable

• Life would be so much easier if we just had the source code

• Life’s a bleach. Then you dye.

• Live teddy bears are best

• Lymph (v.): to walk with a lisp

• My blood is rich in irony

• My doctor said it’s ok for me to be around sharp objects again

• My dog can lick anyone

• My imaginary friend thinks you have problems

• My intellect is rivalled only by my gardening tools

• My karma ran over your dogma

• My mum’s a junkie

• My one track mind tells me that I’m hungry

• My short term memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also my short term memory is not as sharp as it used to be

• Never go to be angry. Stay awake and plot your revenge

• Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig

• Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon

• No one suspects the butterfly

• Not only am I a master of suspense but…

• Once the toothpaste is out of the tube it’s hard to get it back in

• Only dead fish go with the flow

• Only my cat understands me

• Pets aren’t dangerous: just don’t let them carry guns

• Pingu made me do it

• Punishing myself only deprives the world of a purpose

• Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down

• Remember: first you pillage, then you burn

• Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors

• SAVE FERRIS

• As an outsider what do you think of the human race?

• Save the whales. Collect the whole set

• Schizophrenia beats being alone

• Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics

• Some days it isn’t even worth chewing through the restraints

• Sometimes too much to drink isn’t enough

• Speak softly. But carry an M-16

• Spiderman’s a swinger!

• Squirrels: natures little speed bumps

• Stop World Hunger: Eat my shorts

• Take it easy. And if you get it easy, take it again

• The dinosaurs deserved it

• The fact that no one understands me makes me an artist

• The following statement is true. The above statement is untrue

• The funniest thing about this t-shirt is that by the time you realise it doesn’t say anything it’s too late for you to stop reading it

• The Killer Ducks are coming!

• The more things change the more they stay insane

• The revolution will not be televised

• The voices told me to clean the guns today

• There is no spoon

• Thesaurus (n.): ancient reptile with excellent vocabulary

• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana

• To err is human, to arr is pirate

• Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest

• Too many freaks, not enough circuses

• Unless you are the lead dog the view never changes

• War does not determine who is right. Only who is left

• What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket

• What would Scooby Doo?

• When in doubt, poke it with a stick

• When in doubt…C4!!!

• Where does it go? It doesn’t matter. Flush it

• Why does the alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

• Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

• Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

• Will work for food

• With a rubber duck you’re never alone

• With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine

• Zombies are people too

Top

KIDS

• 0 to naughty in 6 seconds

• Are you my Daddy?

• Babies are the new black

• Bad Ass

• Caution: Ear Protection Required

• Chaos, terror, mayhem…my job here is done

• Do not mess with me. You will not win

• Does my head look big in this?

• Drink Milk!

• Eat…sleep…poop

• Funky little dude

• Gorgeous…just like mummy

• Grumpy…just like daddy

• I always feel like someone’s watching

• I came I saw I destroyed

• I must not sleep…I must not sleep…I must not sleep

• I only cry when ugly people hold me

• I’m the Prince of Wails

• I’ve just done 9 months inside

• If I can reach it, I can wreck it

• If I don’t sleep, nobody sleeps

• It’s all going to end in tears

• Little Angel

• Monster

• Mummy’s boy

• My mum’s a fox!

• My rice krispies told me to do it

• Nobody puts baby in a corner

• Poo happens

• Pushchair today, Ferrari tomorrow

• Santa isn’t real, but I can’t read yet so it’s ok

• Saw it…wanted it…threw a tantrum…GOT IT!

• Sleep is for the weak

• Spit happens

• Sprog

• Why should I go to bed? It’s mum who’s tired

Top

IT

• IT Genius

• IT people do it with mice

• Kiss your keyboard goodbye

• Once you go MAC…you never go back

• The faulty interface lies between the chair and the keyboard

• Working offline…please try later

• Yes I am IT…but the computer says No!